1. Smallpox 2. X-ray vision 3. Ingrown toenails 4. Cottage cheese 5. Vericose veins 6. Facial hair 7. Being stalked by Dr. Phil 8. Tarantula infestation 9. All-expense paid vacation to Delaware 10. My picture under BEACH DON’TS on the cover of National Enquirer 11. Pro wrestling tickets 12. Black licorice 13. Belly button fuzz […] 
The last time I went to the zoo, Ollie was riding around inside me. It was so hot, I took shelter in the air-conditioned gift shop, a place I normally avoid. Kids and gift shops need validation from each other. One needs tacky personalized souvenir license plates. The other needs allowance money. Yesterday, we […] 
When I was little, a friend of my mom’s gave a box of her kids’ outgrown clothes to us. I misheard during the exchange, thinking they were called “handy-down clothes.” This mistake persisted embarrassingly long into my adulthood. But my innocent take on the act of kindness makes sense. Hand-me-downs are handy. After Teddy […] |
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