Ancient History

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If you don’t get everything you want, think of the things you don’t get that you don’t want. ~Oscar Wilde

1. Smallpox

2. X-ray vision

3. Ingrown toenails

4. Cottage cheese

5. Vericose veins

6. Facial hair

7. Being stalked by Dr. Phil

8. Tarantula infestation

9. All-expense paid vacation to Delaware

10. My picture under BEACH DON’TS on the cover of National Enquirer

11. Pro wrestling tickets

12. Black licorice

13. Belly button fuzz

14. Ownership of professional sports team

15. Allergic reactions to chocolate

16. Being elected to anything

17. Cicadas

18. Omniscience

19. Giant scary parrot living on a perch in my living room

20. Collection of straw-hat-wearing geese knick knacks

21. Time machine

22. Lobster dinner

23. A pierced tongue

24. Blue cheese in any form

25. Ownership of a Yankee Candle store

26. Fame

27. Victoria’s Secret catalogues in the mail

28. Prescription for low testosterone

29. Wolf whistles

30. Nauseated at amusement parks

31. HBO

32. The scorn of Anna Wintour

33. A Grammy

34. Spidey-sense

35. Sudden nosebleeds

36. A reputation as a pool hustler

37. Spontaneous urges to eat Greek food

38. More cowbell!

39. Vocal scrutiny from a roomful of southern women with big hair

40. A comprehensive understanding of how sausage is made


6 comments to If you don’t get everything you want, think of the things you don’t get that you don’t want. ~Oscar Wilde

  • Heth

    Dying here. What a great list.

  • If you ever do get the urge for straw hat wearing geese knick-knacks, lemme know. My mother has quite the collection stashed away in a box in the attic.

  • I have a prescription for #38 if you change your mind. 😉

  • Donna

    LOL! I’ve been lurking for a little while, but I have to de-lurk to say how much I love the Oscar Wilde quote (borrowing it to post on my Facebook page) and your list! That is a fantastic list of things to avoid at all costs – thanks for the giggle, I needed that after a rather stress (and child) full morning 🙂

  • edj

    Oh come now. Black liquorice is YUMMY! But I’m very thankful not to have most of those things (I also like bleu cheese.)
    But I think this way too. I pray, “I will take this trial over other, worse ones” … like terminal diseases, constant pain, loss of my children or my husband. It’s a start towards being thankful in all things.

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