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How to Make a Wish Come True

We are blessed to live in a state with a lot of tunnels. Not only do they cut travel times significantly, they are a magical microphone to wish-granting brigades of fairies. These fairies are jerks in my opinion. Rather than scooping up the shiny coins thrown in wells and fountains, tunnel fairies require children hold […]

If you don’t get everything you want, think of the things you don’t get that you don’t want. ~Oscar Wilde

1. Smallpox

2. X-ray vision

3. Ingrown toenails

4. Cottage cheese

5. Vericose veins

6. Facial hair

7. Being stalked by Dr. Phil

8. Tarantula infestation

9. All-expense paid vacation to Delaware

10. My picture under BEACH DON’TS on the cover of National Enquirer

11. Pro wrestling tickets

12. Black licorice

13. Belly button fuzz