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15 Haiku About My Electric Blanket

Innards sizzle from
electromagnetic waves.
I don’t really care.

Settings 2 and 8
are as vastly different
than saute and broil.

Me and cookie dough:
Please preheat for best results,
simpatico, we.

Three in the morning,
wake startled from a strange dream.
No, Cookie Monster!

You and winter should
have an epic rap battle.
You’d totally win.

When folded away,
how do you spend your summers?
Sorry. Dumb question.

No teeth will chatter.
Shivering has almost ceased.
Need electric hat!

Someone should invent
jammies made from fleece and wire.
You’d be obsolete.

Don’t get me wrong, bro.
It’s not that I’m ungrateful.
But you’re cumbersome.

Still, I can’t quit you.
Icy feet hoist a boombox
for you if they could.

Let us make a pact:
You shall warm me at my command.
I won’t jump on you.

Yes, it’s one-sided,
but your brain is just a dial.
Your I.Q. is four.

Just getting started,
a long winter lies ahead.
Thanks for being you.

But make no mistake.
If spring arrives early, you are
back in the closet.

It’s not personal.
We all have a job to do.
Heat on, heat up. Go.

I.Q. aka Perfect Setting

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