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Tastes Like Chicken

Mystery solved: toilet water tastes like chicken.

The Rocky Mountain News had a little blurb this morning about a company making flavored bottled water formulated especially for dogs. There are four flavors: Gutter (beef), Hose (lamb), Puddle (liver), and Toilet (frog-leg, turkey, tofu, bat, duck, McNuggets—all resemble chicken or so I am told).

Several things alarmed me about this.

1. Bottled water for dogs? What is next? Massages? The next thing you know, dogs will start wearing lingerie…

2. Liver-flavored water?

3. $35.99 for a case of Toilet Water, plus $15.95 for shipping and handling!

4. I didn’t think of this first?

5. Is Junie the laughingstock of the doghood, still back in the 90’s, drinking tap water out of a plastic bowl?

6. They forgot “Bath Water”. This flavor would be pork + Johnson&Johnson’s + liquified Tony Hawk BoomBoom Huckjam skater dude fake tattoos + pee (assuming it is post-Joel bath water).

Sorry, Junie. Unless you can cough up $60 you are stuck with the same water that the Coors brewing company uses, pulled out of a fresh Rocky Mountain stream (Clear Creek, to be exact). How many dogs are treated to the flavors of algae, trout, forest-fire ashes, and chlorine on a daily basis?

Hey, I drink it.

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