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Ancient History

11 Things Coloradans Aren’t Supposed to Say or Think

1. I don’t ski or snowboard and I don’t care if I ever do.

2. I like Casa Bonita’s food!

3. I bet you wear that down vest to bed.

4. Why are you riding your bike on this hilly, narrow, two-lane road with extremely limited visibility and heavy truck traffic? (Never ask this out loud, though. Ever! Even if your sole reason is genuine concern for the safety of bikers because it WILL be taken as an indictment of their hobby/mode of transport/way of life. It’s a personal attack to worry they’ll be smooshed by an American Furniture Warehouse truck driven by The Fray.)

5. 5% of the reason I voted for Hickenlooper is so we’d have a Governor Hickenlooper, which is fun to say and would look great on stationary.

6. When sportscasters mention the altitude during nationally-televised professional sporting events, we roll our eyes. Yes, that’s why your field goal veered to the right, Mr. Millionaire Sea-Level Kicker.

7. If you are stuck on 1-70 Eastbound on a Sunday afternoon in the mountains and express wonderment at the traffic situation, where have you been?

8. We have the nations’s lowest obesity rate, but there are still a lot of overweight people. Oddly, even the overweight people brag about living in a place with the lowest obesity rate. I have been known to be one of these people.

9. Driving up Mt. Evans scared me out of my mind.

10. Coors is embarrassing. But the tour rocks.

11. Utah is kind of cute.

~home sweet home~

3 comments to 11 Things Coloradans Aren’t Supposed to Say or Think

  • Amy
    Twitter:

    I love, love this list. Not surprisingly, when people hear I was born and raised in Colorado they frequently ask me questions or make comments that are related to your list. Among my favorites:

    “I bet you’re a great skier.”
    “Does everyone in Colorado drink Coors beer?”
    “Is Mile High Stadium really a mile high?”
    “When I drove over the continental divide, I was scared to death. I bet you aren’t afraid of heights.”
    “Why are you riding your bike on this narrow, winding country road? It’s dangerous! Never mind. I just remembered you’re from Colorado.”

  • Tarable
    Twitter:

    For your consideration…

    12. I miss the ocean.

  • Love it. Only because I’ve said it. All.

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