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Thank you

I want to say thank you to everyone who was keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. I felt a calm beyond my wildest expectations the moment we found out that our baby is indeed gone.

It isn’t fine with me, though. It isn’t sitting well in my heart. My body certainly has no clue and isn’t showing any sign of obtaining one, so I am tentatively scheduled for a “procedure”, as the receptionists like to whisper, tomorrow. I am still waiting to hear back from the hospital. With the holiday weekend, it could be tricky to schedule. People have barbeques to attend.

As much as I would love to act like Superstrongchristianwomanofgraceandresilience, I can’t right now. I am at that place where I can’t decifer what is moaning in my heart. It sounds like a freight train or a tornado or a tornado carrying a freight train. Last time I didn’t see it coming. This time I did.

And I discovered it doesn’t matter. You simply can’t brace yourself enough.

21 comments to Thank you

  • moms_s_t

    Oh G! My heart and soul are crying with you! If you need me I’m not far away.

  • Tracy (tjly)

    Oh no. Oh Gretchen, I am so, so sorry. You and your sweet babies will be in my prayers. My heart breaks for you.

  • Katie

    Big Hugs Gretchen. I will pray for you and your family, that y’all will have the strength to make it through this awful time. It is ok to be mad at God, just don’t ignore him. He knows what is in your heart. Openly share all your feelings with him, for he already knows what is in your heart. Though this strong communication he can give you the strenth to make it through this.

  • Tanya

    Gretchen, I am so sorry for your losses. I understand only too well the pain you are experiencing, and I won’t try to say words of comfort to you right now as I know they will sound hollow in your ear. I will, however, extend a shoulder to cry on and warm strong arms to embrace you with. Please allow yourself time to cry and to grieve, and know that you aren’t alone, that there are many of us who know all too well your pain and can cry with you.

  • Rosanna

    Gretchen, I am so sorry for your pain and your loss. I have been thinking of you all day, hoping for a miracle. I’m so sorry it didn’t happen. I will pray for you and your family.

  • Marleen (dec 01)

    Oh Gretchen,
    I am so sorry for your losses! I’ll keep you and your family in my prayers, that God will give you the strength as you try to heal from this. (((HUGS))) Sweetie! We’re all here for you if you need us!

  • holly

    I am so sorry…… prayers are with you in this very hard time.

  • Jenna

    Hello Gretchen,

    You don’t know me because we have never spoken before, but I just had to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I linked to your blog from the Pregnancy Loss board months ago and have been checking it every now and then because I really love the way you write. I just wanted you to know that my thoughts are with you and your family right now and although I know that there isn’t much else I can say or do to make this any easier, I really wish there were. I am so very sorry.

  • Vix

    There is no such thing as prepared – don’t let anyone tell you different. Thinking of you

  • Daphodil

    I’m so sorry, Mopsy. You’re in my prayers.

  • Kim

    I am so sorry for these great losses. Take time to heal. I wish I could say or do something that will help…. Thinking of you-Kim

  • hamster

    There’s no bracing for that sort of news, all you can do now is mourn your loss. Don’t feel bad that you aren’t feeling graceful, your situation involves feelings, which are clumsy, cluttered things. Your news calls for crying out loud.

  • rossmomma

    Words seem so inadequate…you and your babies are in my heart and my prayers. I’m so sorry.

  • Just be. It’s God’s job to be I am.

    You’ll stay in my prayers.

  • Julie (Julieand3)

    I’m sorry, Gretchen. We all love you and I will be praying for you & your family.

  • Kate

    Oh no! I’m so, so sorry! This is completely unfair and it makes no sense!!! My heart breaks for you and your babies. Dang…crying with you…

  • JoAnn White

    I’m so very sorry! I wish I could take this pain away….you definitly are in my prayers.

  • stacey

    Why do bad things happen to good people? I’m so sorry you have to go through this nightmare again. My prayers are with you and your husband.

  • Robin

    {{{Hugs}}} This is what it means to be “Held”… thoughts and prayers are with you.

  • Russ Eldredge

    Oh Gretchen, I am so sorry!! While I cannot fathom the loss you must feel as a mother, I send you my heartfelt condolences and prayers. There is a tradition that I have grown up with, that in essence says that some little spirits coming from the presence of God are so pure – so perfect – that they needed only to gain a physical body before returning to live in His presence. What a blessing you have provided to those two little spirits, and what an honor that they came to you and your family! There is a reason they chose you, and looking at the great family you have, and the wonderful people that you and your husband are, it’s not hard to guess why. In such homes God can and does work miracles, and He will.

    Another tradition I was raised with (and I’m paraphrasing here) is that no suffering or sacrifice is without its compensating effect, whether in this life or the next. Because of losing your twins, and your little baby earlier this year, I believe God will bless you beyond measure and beyond comprehension. I truly do.

    Every once in a while, I have the priviledge of associating with truly marvelous people, and it’s a wonderful thing for me, because of the way they inspire me to be better in all that i do. Thank you for being such people, and thank you for being part of a little miracle in our lives, and thank you for the words you write. They really make a difference!

  • Mary

    Gretchen, I am so sorry things turned out this way for you. I don’t really have any words of advice, but wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you…

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