Ancient History

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How we rid the world of our three-year-old’s pacifier

The dirty looks starting rolling in around age two and a half.

Pacifiers get the side-eye, regardless. People are convinced they lead to orthodontic and speech issues, but I’m not. Out of our nine kids, only one didn’t use a pacifier. Guess which child had speech therapy? If you guessed the one who never […]

Kisses on the Clock

“Kiss finger?”

I kiss Ollie’s finger. He pinched it in a cabinet door.

“Kiss foot?”

He stepped on a Matchbox car.

“Kiss head?”

He bonked it on the corner of an open kitchen drawer.

“Kiss butt?”

I opt to kiss my palm and give him a soft little […]

Dear Ollie on Turning One. And Two.

Dear Baby,

Next week, you will be one year old. When I realized this, I burst into tears. If you knew why, you’d accuse me of being silly, just like I accuse you of raving silliness when you try to give me your pacifier. It makes no sense, does it? Big people don’t use […]