Ancient History

Follow Me?



I feel much better. Sometime during the night, the clouds outside began to part and break-up, revealing the swollen full moon. I could see our roommate, Joel, in his crib not too far from our bed. He looked older in the silvery light which cancelled out his pink baby flush. He was sprawled in his crib, a big 20-month-old guy trying to claim every square inch of his blue gingham-sheeted bed for himself. Where did those long legs come from? I watched him toss, push against his rails, nearly awaken (I held my breath), and fall back asleep. I realized how very blessed I am.

After a dream that also made me feel better (I talked to an African-American woman named Jamie about my fears—it was very vivid), I woke up and took a few steps back from the progress of the night: I took the last pregnancy test in the house. My heart beat like I was taking a test for the first time, instead of the zillionth. The “pregnant” line was a solid, very dark pink before the control line even appeared. Three steps forward.

I took a shower and forgot to rinse the conditioner out of my hair. A few steps back. Clearly, I am still distracted, still nervous, but not to the extent I was during last night’s insomniac meltdown.

8 comments to Steps

  • Maybe your not distracted…your subsconciously giving your pregnant hair extra nutrients. 🙂 BTW, sometimes I leave conditioner in my curly hair on purpose. Your doing well.

  • mopsy

    LOL!! Oh, lexie, that was just what I needed to read. There’s a method to my madness. My curly hair can definately use the shine and bounce. 🙂

  • I meant “you are” doing well, not “your” doing well like a thing. Maybe you do have a “doing well”. Your inner reserve of gumption you call on those days when you just need to keep doing.

  • mopsy

    It would be nice to have a doing well. It wouldn’t have water, though. It would be a mix of Coca-Cola, Kona coffee, and inner gumption (which sometimes needs a caffeine kick-in-the-pants). A little muddy and thick, but certainly motivating in many ways.

    Again, thanks for making me laugh.

  • The other Gretchen

    I just have to say, how weird it is that you took another pg test last night. I think I dreamed about it LOL. I swear, I dreamed that I took a pg test and the line came up dark dark pink. It was so real I really thought I was pg, though I almost always know when I am dreaming. I scared myself, lol. I guess I was dreaming about your test 🙂 I know for sure I am not pg right now.

  • Joanne

    I can’t wait to read your update after your appointment! I know it is going to go well and you will be able to come home and relax. Blessings to you.

  • I cannot imagine the apprehension you must be feeling today. My thoughts and prayers go with you! *hug*

  • I only now realized you wrote the previous post in the wee hours. Glad the morning brought more peace. I am anxious to hear how it goes today. Add me to the needing extra conditioner curly hair club. oh, that is right, I don’t like clubs ; )

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