Conventional, worldy wisdom would have implored hubby and I to wait the standard 12 weeks to announce our new pregnancy. The thought behind this is if something goes wrong, you don’t have to untell. You don’t have to put a damper on anyone else’s day by breaking bad news. Some may even harbor superstitious beliefs about telling “too early”.
When I announced my previous pregnancy here, I waited until I was in my eleventh week, figuring I was safe. I had an ultrasound and all was well. The post I wrote on February 1st announcing my pregnancy was, and still is, one of my personal favorites. We also wanted to wait until all of our family members knew our good news, so they wouldn’t find out via blog.
But one of the main motivations behind not telling earlier was fear. Not fear the baby would die or something would go wrong—I wasn’t thinking of that possibility. It was fear of what will people think?
It took us many weeks to muster the courage to tell certain family members and friends because we were afraid of their reactions. Nobody is ever mean or cruel when we announce another baby is on the way. But there is a sense of again? that made us feel self-conscious and robbed us of our joy. Friends and family would pose questions like “don’t you know what causes that?” or “don’t you guys have cable?” It isn’t like our kids are grubby-faced and wild, running in the streets barefoot while I am collapsed in an exhausted heap with my uterus hanging on by a thread. Why do people care so much about whom hubby and I welcome into our hearts?
This time? We don’t care who knows. We know every good and perfect gift is from God.
After going through the loss, which shocked the smug innocence right out of us forever, I found myself wanting to tell everyone about the new pregnancy right away. I want ladies who have been through it to have hope. I am counting on the prayers and support of friends and family from the earliest days.
The days following the loss were incredibly lonely—and that was with many people knowing about it and praying for us. I can’t imagine how much more profound that loneliness would have been had people not known about it. I would have had to plaster on a brave face and pretend that life was swell. A huge part of my healing was due to the fact that I was blessed with so much support. Had we not told, I would have had a sad secret to carry around in silence for the rest of my life. Sad secrets have a way of manifesting themselves somehow, usually negatively.
Look around you and ask yourself who could be carrying such a burden, and could it explain many things about them? I would gladly take on the burden of sharing someone else’s pain if I knew it meant their healing would leave less scarring behind.
It is okay to let people inside our lives. We are supposed to be here to bolster each other, encourage each other, pray for each other. That is why God gives us spouses, family, and friends.
Why now? Because it is happening now, not 7 weeks from now when the world says I can come out from hiding. If it ends in loss, I know I have people who will hold me up. I would do the same in their time of need.
Why now? Because tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us.
