This was a year where I am struggling to finish strong. Most of the year seemed oddly charmed. For example, I woke up every day last summer knowing the day would bring nothing but wonderful times, adventures, and smiles. If I could pick one photo to exemplify 2011, until August 13th, it would be:

Note the gauzy sun, the duckies, the wild sunshine, the peace.

I feel self-conscious about this and apologetic for bringing it up again, but. Then we found Jeffrey.

There has never been a moment when I, when we, have been confronted with something more shocking and sad. He is burned into my memory, sewn into my quilt. I will never forget his face or his story and rational or not, I felt a strange responsibility for him.

I’ve never shared this, but the man who stayed with me until the police arrived said, “I think you that you are giving him something he never had in life.”

And then the man left, fading into a crowd with his bicycle.

Ever since, I’ve felt like I am overcoming and plodding a bit. In the last month, I’ve developed health issues. In fact, I am having surgery tomorrow. I’ll be in the hospital overnight. 2011 is ending in one of the most helpless ways possible. I will be put to sleep, repaired, and then cared for by others.

I am not finishing strong. And by not finishing strong, I’ll begin a new year weak. Perhaps that’s the best way to start the next trip around the sun? Strength is gathered and stored, built upon, made better than ever.

Happy New Year.