Ancient History

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An open letter to a rodent

Dear Groundhog,

I think you made a grave mistake.

The blackish form you noticed on the ground this morning was not your shadow. Someone must have spilled something—a too-early celebratory beer? Bad Starbucks spewed in disgust, or a Diet Pepsi ejected from the nose because someone told the perfect groundhog joke?

Or perhaps your eyes, […]

Open letter to a new mother

Dear Britney,

I read the happy news on the internet. You are a mama. Congratulations.

I am the first to admit how skeptical I was when I heard you and Kevin were bringing a new life into the world. Appalled, actually. Rumors regarding your pregnancy swirled around the world of entertainment for weeks until you […]

An open letter to my mother-in-law’s potato salad

Dear Potato Salad,

I don’t know how you do it.

Over the course of my thirty-odd years, I have lip-smacked many potato salads. The golden bowls were ever-present at every family gathering and reunion. Church potlucks, grocery store deli cases, funky little restaurants—each venue specialized in a certain type of potato salad and I tried […]