Ancient History

Follow Me?


Arboreal tumors are bad news for mutts

My dog ate an apple seed.

It’s an epidemic, according to my stats. It’s one of the top reasons people find my blog—in cities, the countryside, from overseas—canines everywhere are consuming apple seeds at record levels. What’s a worried owner to do?

Google. Click on some dumb blog called Lifenut to find the solution.

Enter Angie.

I was reading her blog yesterday when she noted in a post how her blog is a top hit for “lady golfer rhyms (sic)” so she thought she’d oblige. She wrote a poem about lady golfers. It’s very clever. I asked her to write a poem for me about dogs eating apple seeds, and this is what she came up with, in under 10 minutes:

by A.K. Brennan

My dog ate an apple seed–
What should I do?
He’s not acting funny,
He’s not acting blue….

But what if an apple tree
Grows from his guts?
Arboreal tumors
Are bad news for mutts.

My dog ate an apple seed–
O, poor bow-wow!
Perhaps I’ll find answers
By googling it now.


In other news, Amber Johnson, my editor at Mile High Mamas and an all-around awesome person, is a finalist in Microsoft’s Winter Games. If she wins, she gets to cover the Olympics as a credentialed blogger. You can vote for her here.


All my boys have had this configuration of hair until well past their first birthdays:



There is a woman named Not Gretchen Lifenut who is using our phone number. We get calls for her all the time from collection agencies, doctor’s offices, and now our Safeway Club card has HER NAME attached to it. When I bought gas for The Brick at Safeway recently the screen at the pump said, Thank you, Not Gretchen Lifenut. Just today, my husband used the card and it came up again. He is not Not Gretchen Lifenut. I am not Not Gretchen Lifenut.

Will the real Not Gretchen Lifenut please KNOCK IT OFF?

There is nothing weird going on with our credit, it’s just this phone number issue and I find myself very surprised at how territorial I feel over my 10 digits.


Last, but not least in the least is the heartbreaking and life-altering stroke Anissa Mayhew suffered a few days ago. I was unfamiliar with her until that day. I’ve since learned a lot about her. I read her blog and the story of all she’s been through in the past few years. Her youngest child is in remission, having battled leukemia.

She has gobs of friends and supporters all singing the praises of a remarkable friend, mother, and wife. They’ve rallied to help Anissa’s family at this awful time. Her husband wrote about her and what he feels their needs are here.

1 comment to Arboreal tumors are bad news for mutts

  • That’s funny about the phone number…and I’m Not Gretchen Lifenut, but I’m NOT the Not Gretchen Lifenut in your story. I hope. I mean, we’ve always used a fake phone number for those cards. It was one digit off from our old apartment phone number. (Though, oddly enough, King Soopers figured out our real number and used it to call us about a recall. How bizarre.)

    Anyway, I wonder who my Not version is and if she’s as steamed as you are?

    .-= The Casual Perfectionist´s last blog ..Confessions of a Casual Perfectionist: Day 20 =-.

Leave a Reply

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>