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When my babies were born, they left their wall calendars behind. No wonder I am so bloated.

Julie at Everyday Mommy tagged me—but not for a meme. She chose the subject of Putting Baby on a Schedule and asked several moms to share their thoughts on their blogs. I am honored to play along.

All five of my babies came into the world wondering why a disco ball wasn’t dangling over the crib. They loved the nightlife. They loved to boogie. Dawn would arrive and they’d pass out with a hiss, leaving hubby and I to face the day on very small reserves of energy. With the first couple of kiddos it wasn’t so bad, but when you have a newborn and a toddler and a few preschoolers running around, sleep is grand.

I learned quickly that scheduled naptimes and bedtimes are good things, as long as wiggle room and flexibility aren’t thrown out of the picture. I’ve had to reconcile my appreciation for sleeping routine and my aversion to Crying It Out. Babies like to know what to expect, and when we follow the same naptime and bedtime routines we found there wasn’t so much crying—perhaps a few tears at first, but then ease and the expectation of every nights’ special book, prayer, kiss and cuddle, maybe a little music, lights out, crack the door, see ya in the morning. Do it over and over for years and years and one day it occurs to you that the kids are all good sleepers, in their own beds, and they wake up refreshed. And so do you.

We co-slept with our two youngest kiddos until each was a year old. They are both excellent sleepers now and in their own beds. The doom and gloom theories about how co-sleeping babies become co-sleeping 10 year olds isn’t true, in our family life experience. The new baby tumbling around inside me right now will be in our room, too. Whether in our bed or immediately next to it we will decide. A lot depends on how he/she does. Some kiddos need room to spread out, some like the closeness.

Eating is another arena where babies need a little scheduled structure, but in my experience I find they do better when allowed to feed on demand. I like to exclusively breastfeed for the first six months and do not mind feeding the open baby-bird mouth. Does the mother robin tell her chicks, fresh out of their dreamy blue eggs, they can’t have a worm because it isn’t 3:45? No. I want my kids to be intuitive eaters—to only seek food when they are hungry, not because it is six o’clock or eight o’clock or they are bored/sad/celebrating. We have breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but we also have smaller snacks throughout the day because those who eat only when they are hungry and in small but satisfying amounts are less likely to be obese.

Between eating and sleeping, baby has free time. I am not one to sign up a baby for gym or swimming or any other class. I’d rather take my baby to the School of the Pond at the Park or the Let’s Put on Vince Guaraldi and Dance Like Snoopy Symposium.

Babies shouldn’t be left to their own devices, little dictators who rule the roost. Neither should round babies be pounded into square holes of rigid schedules. The wise parent finds a mix, a balance between free-for-all and schedule, and that is called routine.

7 comments to When my babies were born, they left their wall calendars behind. No wonder I am so bloated.

  • Stephanie

    Hear Hear! I agree with so much that you’ve written. We’ve done similar things with the eating & co-sleeping. We say “it works for us!” & tell others “You do what works for you!”

  • Amen Mopsy. Sounds like our house, except I kick our kids out of our bed at three months or so. I’m such a meanie. 🙂 I love the last bit about round babies being pounded into square holes. Each kid is a little different and I think us parents need to know that what worked with one, might not work with the next one.

    Great post.

  • ben

    ‘I want my kids to be intuitive eaters—to only seek food when they are hungry, not because it is six o’clock or eight o’clock or they are bored/sad/celebrating. We have breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but we also have smaller snacks throughout the day because those who eat only when they are hungry and in small but satisfying amounts are less likely to be obese.’
    Oh, so that’s why I’m chubby. 🙂

  • I have never put my kids into a routine. I kinda allowed them to make their own. I’m probably just very lucky as not one of them changed night and days and I love their routines. I just works for me.
    If however you do battle with your kids and their self-made routines, I would say it’s ok to put them into one..gently

  • mopsy

    Ben, you are NOT chubby. Sheesh. You are tall! 🙂

  • Amen!

    Balance, balance, balance is what makes good parenting and a sane life.

    We are very flexible about bedtimes and eating. Our first coslept until he was bruising us with his kicks so he moved to a little bed right next to us at 7 mo, and remained in our room until 22 mo. He loves going to bed, and will put himself to bed if I don’t hurry up when he tells me he’s tired. The next stayed with us until 9 months, and then was just too darn big and wiggly, so he’s sharing a room with his brother. I still stumble around several times a night because I just can’t bring myself to night-wean him, even at 1 year old!

    Great post!

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