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Wanted: Person to braid my hair and play Chopin

I am getting really tired of writing these posts.

I had an appointment today. More bedrest. I am full term. If I were to go into labor on my own, they’d deliver Mr. Baby. But I haven’t gone into labor on my own since 2001, so it’s very unlikely.

If the fluid fell below 6, they’d send me straight to the hospital where we’d be formally introduced. Mr. Baby, Mama. Mama, Mr. Baby. If he looked sketchy on the BPP and/or NST, I’d get to see him face to face.

None of these things are happening, which is very good news for all of us. They absolutely will not deliver a baby before 39 weeks without a documented medical reason, and there is none.

But there is reason to keep me on bedrest—the fluid is remaining steady, they feel, because I am doing nothing but drinking water and becoming a world champion contender in solitaire. I am allowed to be up for 2/24 hours per day, which includes showering and having permission to walk to our mailbox and back. Yes, the doctor actually used that as an example of something I CAN do.

My world extends from my bed to the end of our driveway! Horizons! Expanded!

I think the solution to my boredom is to pretend I am a spirited 19th century maiden who got caught in a nasty thunderstorm whilst running on the moors. Naturally, I collapse. This means doom, unless the devoted loving care of a selfless angel slowly draws me out of my rain-caused delirious fever. Of course, the method to accomplish this is to braid my hair, dab my face with cool water soaked monogrammed handkerchief, and play the pianoforte.

Someone dashing and handsome screams up to the manse in his carriage, desperate, heartsick. Or is that my husband in his Saturn sedan, returning from a day at the office?

If I must be in bed in between trips to the mailbox, I may as well cultivate an air of dignified suffering without losing the pink blush of my smooth cheek or the flash of temper in my eyes.

The big belly? Vapors.

I go back to the doctor on Monday morning.

15 comments to Wanted: Person to braid my hair and play Chopin

  • I know some Chopin tunes. But with the amount of time that’s passed since I’ve played them you may get more vapors.
    .-= Lori Lavender Luz´s last blog ..BlogHer downloaded =-.

  • Gretchen, I would french braid your hair AND bring you dinner if you’d like. Let me know. And yes, I am serious.
    .-= Joanne´s last blog ..Hmmm =-.

  • I’m really enjoying your blog, I’m a new reader 🙂 I love your writing style!

  • Just don’t let the village doctor bring in the leeches. I’m sure those things would leave terrible marks on your lily white skin.

    More importantly: Yay for Mr. Baby staying hydrated!
    .-= Stephanie´s last blog ..Our Vacation in Reno- Sydneys Favorite Part =-.

  • Oh man, I thought I was going to be so clever and write something about getting bled and Stephanie beat me to it!

    Well, I would love to braid your hair!

  • MamaLiz

    I could play Chopin, but my specialities are all of his depressing funeral procession stuff….not exactly smile-provoking, but perhaps would fit with the sickened pallor that your imagination is trying to produce.
    When I was on bed rest, I was allowed 15 minutes a day on my feet. We would go to the grocery store or SuperTarget and I would set my timer as I got out of the car. It really changed my shopping technique, which has fallen back into an easy 90 minutes walking around the Target while the kids eat popcorn in the shopping cart. I would usually end up waiting in a chair at the front of the store while B would finish up.
    I will cheer you on to the finish line! Good luck, dear sis-in-law!

  • Why did getting wet on the moors always mean doom? And whenever a woman burst into tears they said she was “taken ill”.

    Vapors. Heh heh.

    Glad all is well with Mr. Baby! And I hope he comes out to play SOON!
    .-= jenni´s last blog ..Here’s the thing… =-.

  • I have never in my whole life known somebody who catches pneumonia from being in a rainstorm. Nor have I ever known anyone who swooned. But I guess that’s why God gave us Jane Austen.

    Hang tough, momma!

  • Well done, well done… Good for you and Mr Baby!!! Your family must be so thrilled to have one less chore – goodness you can fetch the mail in for them!!! I hope you have a lovely restful weekend – Aren’t you so glad you had all that summer fun!!! Lots of love and hugs to Archie!!!
    .-= se7en´s last blog ..Se7en Things I wish I had Known About Homeschooling… =-.

  • Obviously, the creativity you normally put into your day-to-day living is seeping out your fingers, onto the keyboard. You should be writing a book. Nay, a novel.
    .-= Kelly @ Love Well´s last blog ..Shes Not Cute Shes Teyla =-.

  • I cannot braid, but I play a mean Chopin. Too bad I do not live closer or the Nocturne in C# Minor would be the perfect accompaniment to your fever.
    .-= Minnesotamom´s last blog ..Let us pause in life’s pleasures… =-.

  • Oh I love this, the tale about the moors. Please write more of the story! 🙂

    .-= Adventures In Babywearing´s last blog ..In the Cago =-.

  • Amy

    I’ve been away from my computer for a few days and was hoping to hear that you were in the throws of labor, not delirious with fever and suffering from the vapors. Glad Mr. Baby is still swimming around.
    .-= Amy´s last blog ..A Clean Frig =-.

  • I’m sorry you are still on bedrest, but hey, the end is in sight, right? I’ve been praying for you. We will be meeting these boys so soon.
    .-= Erin´s last blog ..august and everything after =-.

  • Oh this made me smile. Isn’t it interesting that we busy mothers dream of the chance to lay in bed, guilt-free, for some indeterminate time, but when we have no choice in it, it becomes challenging? There, now I’ve written a sentence that is screaming out for grammatical intervention to keep you busy.
    .-= nicole´s last blog ..Wants vs Needs =-.

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