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Uncanny Oprah

I’d like to see an entry or two devoted to Oprah. Attempt to explain her uncanny appeal in less than 500 words. Go.

Hamster issued a challenge in her comment regarding my Christmas list (in which I forgot to mention yearning for a red Dyson vacuum cleaner). I accept this challenge:

Oprah is Santa Claus. She is jolly, well-groomed, and has had her ups and downs regarding weight. She has legions of employees, a workshop known as Harpo studios, and her current preferred mode of transportation is her “Wildest Dreams” tour bus, aka “diesel-fueled sleigh of plasma TVs and closets of cashmere track suits.” Her guests gush over her to the point of virtually crawling into her lap. Songs have been inspired by Oprah and what she represents: “I’ll be in my $10 million Home This Christmas” and “I’m Dreamin’ of a White Maytag Neptune Washer and Dryer Christmas.”

Oprah has a list of the good: teachers, mommies, firefighters, Dr. Phil, silkworms, John Travolta, cocker spaniels, and Maya Angelou.

Oprah has a list of the bad: mean people, beef, and 200 thread count sheets.

Yes, Hamster, there is an Oprah. She exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Oprah! It would be as dreary as if there were no Hamsters.

1 comment to Uncanny Oprah

  • hamster

    Look, I’ve been captivated by Oprah too, and maybe it is that she’s Mo’ Betta Claus, but I think it’s more than her gift giving that gets people excited — what is it?

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