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The Resolutionary War

Yesterday’s newspaper came with the usual coupon insert. I always have good intentions regarding coupons. I clip them, stash them in a little magnetic holder on the refrigerator, and store them there well beyond their expiration dates.

As I looked through the myriad of ways I could save 35 cents, I began to notice a pattern. All of the food items were “lo-carb”, made with Splenda, or otherwise promised to be utterly healthy but not taste too badly.

This phenomenon makes January the most boring, eye-rollingly deprived of all pleasure month of the entire year. The frenzy to lose weight fizzles out by March and then it is back to McDonalds. I am a lifetime member at Weight Watchers and I remember that there were literally hundreds of people at the January meetings last year, but the numbers sharply dropped once springtime approached.

I think the wisest resolution to make is “I will not make a New Year’s Resolution!”

IF I were to make resolutions this year, they would be:

1. Sew Aidan’s Brownie patches on her vest, finally. I have been avoiding this task ever since I discovered that I couldn’t iron the patches onto the vest. Needle and thread: required.

2. Actually print some of the 4,829 digital pictures we have stored on the computer and on disc. I do not remember what it feels like to hold a photograph in my hands…they are imprisoned on the computer screen.

3. The picture issue reminds be that I need to redecorate the front of the refrigerator. It is currently sporting photos that are four or five years old, an ultrasound picture of Joel taken nearly two years ago, Aidan’s old spelling lists, expired coupons, and ugly magnets that come free on the front of the phone books offering Roto Rooter services.

4. I need to find a hairstyle that transcends the ponytail. Something so fabulous that it makes the ponytail unnecessary. I need a hairstyle that doesn’t compel me to just sweep it up into a ponytail. I need to learn to say “no” to ponytails. Ponytail, ponytail, ponytail. It is surprising that my hair hasn’t been whipped into the discipline of simply growing itself into a point on the back of my head, then free-falling.

5. Finally, I resolve that by next Christmas I will have Tommy and Joel’s stockings done. I have given myself the breathing room that only 358 days can provide. What will I do with those days and nights?

We shall see.

4 comments to The Resolutionary War

  • Momofmopsy

    Happy New Year and I suggest that you keep those stockings that need to be finished handy in case you get inspired in a dull, boring moment to do something creative. If you put them away you will be in the Christmas crunch all over again, I know I have several projects that I’ve been planning to do for years.

  • hamster

    Ah the ponytail cunundrum. I’m here to say they’re good, so long as they don’t involve scruncies. I cut most of my hair off in October to avoid ponytails. I achieved that goal, but I missed my locks. No, I don’t wear them down as much as a should because they tend to get snagged by my baby or my backpack (which is another issue entirely, what is a 33 year old woman doing caring a backpack?). Now that my hair has returned, I’ve resolved not to cut it again.

  • Dawn/Lizzysue

    I loved this post. I so agree with the ponytail comment. Sometimes I think the exact same thing. It is just so easy and it keeps my often bushy, wavy hair out of my face! If it isn’t up, it gets WIDE!!

  • […] Last year’s resolutions can be found here. I kept the resolution to find a new ponytail-thwarting hairstyle. I sewed Aidan’s Brownie patches onto her vest whilst recovering in bed from the first miscarriage. No to the rest of the resolutions. I don’t really believe in New Year’s resolutions anyway. […]

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