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The pins and the needles

Five years ago today, hubby’s grandfather died.

Four years ago today our son, Thomas, was born.

Since waking this morning, I have thought about what I was doing four years ago. Laundry. Breathing through contractions. Trying not to get too excited because I am notorious for having long, epic labors with a lot of starting and stopping. I was buckling in for the long ride but not expecting very much out of December 16th.

He was born at 9:54 pm after a day of anticipation, tears, pain, joy.


We wait. We drum our fingers and check the dial tone on the phone and lie awake. Life is either making news or waiting for news. I waited for my children to be born. Our families waited for the news of their births.

When my Grandma Mary took a turn for the worse a little over two weeks ago, I had to wait to hear how she was doing and what was happening. It didn’t look good. All evening I jumped when the phone rang. I went to bed, but didn’t sleep. I got up in the morning, showered, and called my mother, who told me my grandma died around midnight, which I later learned meant 11:58pm on December 1st.

I look at Tommy, our new four-year-old. He runs around the house with his new balloon from Red Robin. Up and down the stairs with his brothers, banging toys and slamming doors. I hear a pop and wonder if the red, green, or purple balloon met it demise. I wait to hear a cry from one of the boys. The cry will tell me the color because the color tells me the boy. But I hear no crying.

Tommy comes around the corner and says he feels “just a little bit sad.”

I ask why and he says his balloon popped.

I know how you feel, I think.

The balloon was green.


My dad’s mom, who will be 90 in January, is lying in a hospital bed 20 minutes away at this moment. She had a stroke. Family is travelling to Denver from the corners of our state to see her. My parents went through five tunnels to get here. I am here with my little boys at home. The pins and the needles hurt.

Like I said, life is either making news or waiting for news.

I feel a little bit sad.

8 comments to The pins and the needles

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