The first trimester is the hardest, in many ways. There is no way to know, for sure, if everything is okay in there. No window. No microphone or built-in alarm. So I must rely on symptoms to tell me everything is going okay.
Signs all is well:
Weepiness. Last night hubby went to get carry-out Mexican for us. He forgot my guacamole and it was very hard to keep from crying. I did not cry. I was choked-up, though.
Fatigue. I fall asleep on the couch every evening at about 8pm. Hubby uses an electric cattle prod to herd me into bed around 9pm. I wake up around midnight and can’t get back to sleep until 3am, or I wake up at 3am and don’t feel sleepy until 6am, which is when I have to get up.
Frequent potty trips. Yesterday we were house hunting (that’s all I’m gonna say) and I had to use the facilities in one of the houses. Five houses later, I was doing the potty-dance again. This time, it was an empty house with no toilet paper. I had to wait until we got home, which was misery.
Heightened sense of smell. Everything is stinky. While house hunting (this time, I mean it, that’s all I’m gonna say) many of the houses made me nauseated with their potpouris, candles, air sprays, etc. Some of the houses smelled like a million roses somehow crawled there to die. At the last house, I had to step outside because the brand new carpeting smelled so horrifying I thought I might faint.
Signs (or lack thereof) that are worrisome:
Morning sickness. I haven’t had any. I didn’t have any with Tommy or Joel, either, but I still take it as a good sign. Wishing for just one frantic, running trip to the toilet whilst holding my hair back.
No increased appetite or cravings. Usually, by now, I am hungry all the time and craving oddball foods. I had a brief, fleeting craving for loathesome cottage cheese one night, but that has been the extent.
I begin my seventh week tomorrow. The mystery of what is happening inside of me is both beautiful and frustrating at the same time. I pray for our little one’s health, growth, and safety, and I pray for my own peace of mind. Sometimes I have a sense that all will be fine. But sometimes I find myself on shakier, unsure ground, swallowed by worries seemingly beyond my control.
Oh, for a little window inside.