Ryley: I am so full!

Me, noting his plate: Full? But you didn’t eat. You just pushed your food around your plate to make it look like you ate. That’s the oldest trick in the book!

Aidan: So, what’s the newest trick in the book?

I wracked by brain all night trying to think of an answer. What is the newest trick in the book? So new, it isn’t even in the book…maybe it’s just barely made the pamphlet.

What is it?

Do you have a part of your body which seems to get injured more than another?

In the past three years, I have had a badly-sprained ankle, a broken big toe, a contusion on top of my foot, and I dropped a frozen-solid pork roast on my toes. This past Saturday, I ran a door over my right baby toe, which caused it to snap, turn black and blue, and swell to the size of a thumb.

I told my husband that no other body part has let me down as much as my feet. Then I remembered my uterus.

Anyway, I spent the weekend lurching around the house, icing my toe, complaining, and being useless. Yesterday, I had it x-rayed and since nobody has bothered getting back to me with the results, I assume it isn’t broken. The doctor said to keep it elevated and rest. That’s all one can do for injured piggies. Especially if it’s the one who says, “Wee wee wee” all the way home.

As I waited to be taken back to x-ray, I noticed a spider crawling on the tiled floor. It is strange to see a spider in a hospital, I realized. It’s like seeing a bare-butted elderly gentleman in my basement.

I watched the spider navigate its way to the carpeted waiting area, where I sat. Several people nearly stepped on it, but he kept spidering-on.

“Did ya smash yer toe?”

I was startled out of spider-watching by another captive. He was talking to me.

“Yeah. Ran a door over it.” I answered.

“Well, don’t get gangrene.”

“Okay.” I promised.

I looked back to where I last saw the spider. It was gone. The waiting room was quiet. Nobody wanted to be there.