The only McDonald’s Happy Meal toys I will make special trips to acquire are the Madame Alexander dolls. This year’s theme is The Wizard of Oz, which they’ve done before. There are some new characters, plus they modified the older characters. I started collecting them for Aidan when they were first introduced several years ago. When I saw they were back at McDonald’s, I decided I’d start a collection for Beatrix, too.

This past Monday, I was out with Beatrix, Joel, and Ryley, who stayed home from school because he wasn’t feeling well. I took him to the doctor (double ear infection), then we had to get a prescription filled and grocery shop. In between, I thought we’d hit the drive-thru so I could get a couple of dolls for the girls to line bedroom shelves, gather dust, and provide fodder for reasons to be scared at 2am.

You have to admit, the eyes. The eyes!

We pulled into a parking spot to eat. I ordered four Happy Meals for the four of us. Beatrix didn’t really need her own, but I got one just for the toy. I reached in my box and pulled out this guy:

I had been hoping for Dorothy or Glinda or a representative of the Lollipop Guild. Even the cowardly lion is cute. But I ate a cheeseburger Happy Meal for THIS? I was disgusted.

The flying monkeys in The Wizard of Oz are arguably some of the most disturbing creatures in film history. I still find them to be the scariest part of the movie, even scarier than the witch. Making a cherub-faced version is bizarre. Maybe next year, McDonald’s can do a Movie Villains line of dolls—Emperor Palpatine, Freddy Kruger, Jason Alexander’s character in Pretty Woman, Dr. Evil, a velociraptor, the Ebola virus, The Traveling Pants (villain is loosely defined), The Joker, the hunter who killed Bambie’s mom, cocaine, and Sharon Stone for all her roles.

I can see them now. Round baby faces, cherry-red pouts, Bette Davis eyebrows, and those glassy, glassy eyes that follow you around the room.

Collect all twelve!

I would.