One of my Christmas gifts from my husband was a very nice handsfree bluetooth speakerphone for my car. He rightfully hates my inclination to chit-chat whilst rambling around avenue and boulevard. Being hands-free meant I could at least stop holding my coffee cup in my cleavage.
A few days after Christmas, I sat down to program the voice-command feature. I followed the directions carefully. Push this, say that, hit this button, smooth success. I clipped the unit on the sun visor.
After the first few attempted uses, I realized the instructions left out a critically important bit of advice.
When vocally recording the names of people you may want to call while driving, make sure to have your toddler daughter sit three feet behind you and shriek “McDONALD’S! McDONALD’S!” That way, when you hit the little green button to coo, “Call mom and dad” it will actually call them.
Archie wasn’t born when I programmed the unit. Otherwise, I could have had him wail and simper during the command to call hubby’s work. I wish I had the foresight to have the boys stage an argument over the true owner of quarter on the floor while ordering a call to the school.
Because I recorded my call list in a rare moment of tranquility, 90% of the calls fail on the first try.
Sometimes, even if the kids are relatively quiet, I still have to remember to match the tone, cadence, and temper of my voice to what it must have been that serene winter morn when all was right with the world and a smile resided in my words like a fat, downy bespeckled bunny resides in an enchanted deep forest cottage.
There is a massive difference between a lilting …call hubby’s cell… and arrrrg! call grrrrr HUBBY’s CELLGRRRRowl!
Consequently, I’ve learned to pull it together and phone all friendly-like. My hands-free device is like a therapist who helps me tone it down when things get hectic between 80th and 81st streets.
I could solve all these problems by stopping the practice of making and receiving calls while driving. That’s the obvious and safe solution to the noise problem. I’m working on it, really.
One more thing. It’s my quarter.
