Ancient History

Follow Me?



I was shopping at a Gymboree one day when Aidan was around four months old. As I shuffled through the clearance racks, I noticed a gathering of toddlers around the TV area. Two of them were fighting over one of the little chairs. I turned to check on Aidan when I heard a yowl. The toddlers’ mothers did the rush-scoop-coo-exam. One of the little ones had bitten the other.

The manager came out of the back and wrote an incident report. She told the moms she would have to call the legal department as well.

The perpetrator was locked in the stroller, thrashing with indignation for a minute or two until the mom took him out for a cuddle. I think he was just as scared as the victim, who didn’t take long to be soothed and was soon back at the TV.

I took it all in with a mixture of bemusement at the overblown legalities and horror at the badly behaved biter. My children will never, ever bite! I swore.

But they did. All of them.

Today, Beatrix bit Joel out of anger. He was on the rocking cow, Louis. She wanted him off. She pulled and pulled, tugged at his shirt, said “Jow! Jow!” Then she snapped. Joel screamed in surprise: “She BIT me!” She started crying too, overwhelmed by all the emotion and perceived injustice of being picked up, carried away from the room where Louis lives, and told firmly, “No bite, Bea.”

She’ll do it again. She’s only 17 months.

After everyone settled down, I remembered that day in Gymboree. I was smug, dumb, and naive. I wonder what I am smug, dumb, and naive about now.

My kids will never…

That’s a blank I won’t fill in.

10 comments to Jaws

  • My kids will never be perfect.

    I’m confident I won’t eat those words.

    Veronica Mitchell’s last blog post..Pregnancy: Nature’s Birth Control

  • Yeah, I used to have those “high and mighty” thoughts, but when I got pregnant, they turned into “that poor mom” thoughts. I remember being at the Maundy Thursday service and watching a mom carry a screaming toddler all the way down from the balcony out the back (it’s a big sanctuary, so you could hear her for a good minute, crying and carrying on). I leaned over to Husband and said, “Children are going to humble us greatly, you realize…”

    His response: “What do you mean?”

    He’s not embarrassed by anything. Maybe I’ll stay in hiding during the terrible twos and he can take them out in public. 🙂

    Heidi’s last blog post..Happy Valentine’s Day, Sweetie!

  • Wow, me too. I have really ate some words. My kids will never have dirty faces or snotty noses. They will always be sweet and well behaved. oops!

  • The rocking cow’s name is Louis? That’s awesome.

    Yeah, I’m learning that the blank is not something I want to fill in either. Parenting is humbling.

    Heth’s last blog post..Día de los Enamorados Feliz

  • Oh, I LOVE Veronica’s fill-in-the-blank.

    Kyle and I always got so irritated with crying babies/toddlers/preschoolers in restaurants.

    Yep, He sends them to us with instructions to “go forth and humble thine parents . . .”

    Megan@SortaCrunchy’s last blog post..Endings and Beginnings

  • Oh, I was a smug, smug one I was. No more…no more.

    I actually had a friend of my husband’s say to me the other day “I don’t believe good parents can have kids that misbehave.” His wife is due next month. We’ll see.

    Beth’s last blog post..Perrrrfect

  • Shayne

    My kids will never be so ill-behaved in public that everyone around us will know their names.

    GULP!!! Don’t get me wrong, my kids are pretty good. But it seems that a trip to the mall brings out the mischievious side of them and I am constantly chiding them, “Peter, stop that! Jacob, put that down!”

    Yum, that was a great slice of humble pie!

  • Been there, done that my friend. My kid bit too.

  • Smug, dumb, and naive? Surely that was a thing of the past. But probably not, at least not for me.

    Some of my smug, dumb, and naiveness came when my grandson was born. I was introduced to a new world I’d never considered. Boy did I feel foolish.

    Joanne’s last blog post..Sometimes It Can’t Be Fixed

  • Jules is a biter. We all have scars. Ack.

    I think being a teacher helped me have a good dose of reality about kids. My fill in the blank is still waiting to be realized: I will never be the kind of parent who says _____ to my child’s teacher. We’ll see how I do 🙂

    Stephanie’s last blog post..Week 195: In the blink of an eye

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