Ancient History

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We have a new, padded, poofy, puffy, gleaming white, glacier-thick mattress. After two nights of sleeping on the behemouth, I can say our purchase was a smart move. We had been sleeping on a second-hand mattress for nearly ten years—which explains the look I had on my face most of the decade. Like the Gretchy-shaped groove I wore into the bed, the lines on my face from ten years of fitful sleep are permanent.

The damage can’t be undone, but who cares? I sleep!

Shopping for our mattress was oddly humiliating, however. The showroom reminded me of a car dealership. We were greeted enthusiastically, complete with handshakes and introductions. Tommy and Joel were shown to the children’s corner where they immediately attacked the Lego table. A movie featuring a yellow dog played on the ubiquitous little TV/DVD combo found in all businesses which believe children need to be distracted, lest they destroy the inventory. Before arriving I had visions of Joel leaping from mattress to mattress to mattress to mattress to mattress to mattress like a 40 pound flea, his size-nines leaving dirty treadmarks from the slushy parking lot. It was a relief knowing he would be occupied building giraffes and houses. We could concentrate on finding the perfect mattress.

After handing out pillows, he invited us to try Bed #1, encouraging us to position ourselves exactly how we sleep at night. It felt strained and unnatural, lying on a bed in a showroom wearing my winter coat and high-heeled boots. I tried, but something was missing. Nobody was shaking me, saying Mommy, is it breskit time yet? Waffles? Waffles? I couldn’t practice nursing Beatrix at 3am. I couldn’t take off my socks under the covers using just my toes, adding to the collection of 10 socks rattling around under the sheets. I felt odd about sucking my thumb. There was no sheet to pull up and over my exposed ear.

Consequently, the salesman got the impression I sleep on the tippy edge of the mattress with one foot hanging off, clinging a handbag to my chest as I nervously giggle.

“Comfy…?” I weakly offered.

We tried several more styles. Honestly, I couldn’t tell the difference between them. We settled on a mid-priced model, medium firm in the medium poofy-top. Pretty boring, but an easy sale. We arranged to have it delivered the next day.

I was torn about seeing the old bed hauled away. My back was happy, my heart was a little sad. Just like when we got rid of our old minivan—I thought about the happy memories we had while traveling, the night we went to the drive-in and watched “Cars” over the dashboard, the miles and miles we stacked on the odometer going to fun and mundane places.

The memories of the bed?

Better left unsaid.

11 comments to Hush

  • Thanks for using discretion. 😉 Seriously, though, what brand did you buy? We’re starting to look for one too, and it’s very overwhelming.

  • We went to Denver Mattress Company. They make their own brand. I think they have stores in other states. We got the Dr.’s Choice set.

  • Jenn

    Comfy? LOL! I literally laughed out loud at your discription of the experience! Shopping for a mattress is a little bit of an odd experience eh?

    Great chatting with you today!! We need to do that more often. 😉

  • We bought a pillow top a couple of years ago and we love it. So very cozy!

  • sister-of-mopsy

    hummmmmmmmmmmm…makes me think they should create a ‘sleep chamber’ of private ‘try-on for size’ for couples, singles, whatever in a nobody else is watching show room so people can actually try out the matress in “peace”, “private”, anything but in the middle of a showroom where everyone else is watching so you can actually be as normal as possible when purchasing such a thing… what a concept eh?

  • mopsy

    That is one long sentence, sissy, LOL. It’s impossible to relax in such a situation, but one wouldn’t want to become *too* comfortable in a mattress showroom.

  • LOL Gretchen! We bought a new mattress a year and a half ago and I thank God every. single. night. for it! It is yielding where the old one was rigid, and supportive where the old one was, well, just plain unreliable. It has, however, spoiled me for going anywhere at all on vacation, since no one else’s mattress comes close and I weep with joy upon arriving home again.

    However, you are right; it was downright awkward trying them on for size.

    Hey, I started a new blog over at wordpress and I put you in my blogroll. Hope that’s okay!

  • Oh my gosh, this cracke me up so much. Especially the description of your visions of Joel jumping on the mattresses. HA!

  • I too have been doing the second-hand thing for years. I am so ready to go get a nice, me-approved one at least by the end of the year. But I’m not looking forward to that awkward test-it-out time. You described it exactly as I imagine it!

  • When I got married, my mother-in-law was appalled that her son was going to bring me home to the same bed in which he had slept in his previous marriage. (It bugged me a bit, but I am practical and I was going to be okay with it.) So she surprised us with a new and luxurious matress. Now when we go places, even for one night, the thing I miss most is my bed. I LOVE my bed.

  • Whew!! I am so glad we were spared! I was about to do the hands over my ears (um, eyes) LALALALALALA trick… 😉

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