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How to be an old mom with a little kid

1. “No, I’m his mom, not his grandma.”

2. “Get off that super high playground structure or I’m going to have to crawl up there to get you. Never mind. Carry on.”

3. “That’s Laverne. That’s Shirley.”

4. “Please don’t play with mommy’s orthotic shoe insert.”

5. “No, no, you wouldn’t like mommy’s special yogurt for grown-up ladies.”

6. “Doc McWho? Let’s watch two hours of old school ‘Sesame Street’ clips at YouTube.”

7. “We are only going to Target to pick up my prescriptions.” (then, you actually only go there to get your prescriptions)

8. (spitting out a mouthful of Quik into the sink) “I remember when Quik had real sugar and no vitamins!”

9. “I’m old enough to be his teacher’s mother.”

10. “I may or may not have gone high school with Santa Claus.” (said braggingly)

11. “My Little Ponies used to look like actual horsies.”

12. “Legos came in only five colors when I was little and that was enough for us!”

13. “Oh, you don’t like your Happy Meal Toy? Let me tell you about robot pencil toppers.”

14. “Can you pull my shoes off? My back hurts. No, leave the socks, my feet are freezing.”

15. “Hmmm. I remember Beefaroni tasting better.” (then sing the “Thank goodness for Chef Boyardee!” jingle)

16. “Oh, we have to leave the party by 7:30. His bedtime is at 8:00.” (and you’ll be happily asleep by 8:30 on the couch)

17. “I’m counting the ice cubes!” (said while battling a hot flash) “Uh, there are 38?”

18. “Yes, when mommy was a teenager we liked our hair to be very, very tall and big. To the moon big? Yes. Even bigger than a brachiosaurus? Yep.”

19. “I got a crown for my tooth. Not my head. Yes, it’s disappointing.”

by Tommy White

by Tommy White

2 comments to How to be an old mom with a little kid

  • Mom

    Even trains it seems dream of the good old days. Great concept and art work, Tommy.

  • Judy Purse

    WOW WOW WOW, Tommy! That artwork MUST be framed! I’ll frame it…if your “old” mom doesn’t have time.

    To “old Mom”: I well remember going to mom-events at school after late-comer Cullen started kindergarten. I felt SOOOOO old!

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