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Dear Diary,

Today was a good day, except for the scene at the pizza buffet. I’ll get to that later.

It began with sloppy-wet snow, which came down heavy as we drove to the schools this morning. It was hard to see far in front of the car and I had to put it in to four-wheel-drive to get it up our driveway once we returned home.

I took the three little ones to the grocery store later in the morning. Both boys wanted to ride the penny horsey on the way out. Joel climbed on and announced, “I’m going to California! So long, suckers!” I told him he was wise to go to a sunny place, and I wish I could go too. Oh, and don’t say that! How many times do I have to tell you not to say that? A bazillion?

By the time afternoon kindergarten rolled around, the snow had stopped and nearly all of it melted. Something about Springtime in the Rockies, but I won’t say it as I am not a local TV meteorologist with a Super Doppler Radar in my purse and a $200 umbrella sheltering my Katie Holmes hair. As I backed out of the driveway, I noticed green tulip leaves jutting out of the snow.

The afternoon was busy . Before long, it was time to retrieve the four big kids from their schools. The boys emerged from the building wearing stickers reminding us of the monthly fund-raising night at a national pizza buffet chain. Can we go?

They begged. They chanted the name of the place, which we will call PiPi’s. They noted we haven’t been to one of these fundraisers at all this year. I thought about it, but wanted to wait until hubby got home to see what he thought.

He was running late because of heavy traffic, so when he walked in the door I think he just wanted to eat something, anything, even pizzas churned out by the dozens in a crowded and garishly lit strip mall joint. We decided to go. The kids were thrilled.

It was very busy, but we found a table to squeeze around. The pizza wasn’t too bad. We were having fun until Joel made a squeaking noise and coughed.

“I choked!” he cried.

I asked what happened, and he told me he choked on ice from his drink. I patted his back and had him talk to me to make sure his airway wasn’t blocked. He seemed to be okay, until he got The Look on his face.

His pizza, his fruit punch, his lunch, the snacks he enjoyed this afternoon—it launched like a solar flare. Hubby grabbed a clear green-tinted plastic cup and Joel filled it. We grabbed another. There was vomit on his pants, the chair, the floor, the table. The volume was astonishing. Hubby hustled him out, leaving me with the four big kids (at their school fundraiser) and Beatrix.

I went through all the napkins on the tabletop box, sopping it up. I held it together pretty well, I thought, until I got to a bad “vein” let’s just say. This particular “thing” I touched with my bare hand made me dry heave so violently that I ripped a Coke-fueled burp that shook the rafters. I swear, the lights dimmed for a split-second.

I told the remaining kids to get their coats on. I got Beatrix into her coat and we carried the larger Cup O’ Vomit to the ladies room where I flushed the contents and rinsed. I left it on the sink, not knowing what else to do.

The eyes of every PiPi’s employee was on us as we made our way to the exit, yet nobody asked how the choking little boy was doing or if we needed any assistance. I didn’t mention it to the staff because it was obvious what happened and I cleaned it up.

We were almost to the door when Tommy noticed his pants: “There’s THROW-UP on my pants!” I think he did this just in case there was someone in the far back corner who hadn’t heard the news that The Lifenut Kids’ Little Brother Puked At PiPi’s! And did you hear their mom BURP!?

School should be interesting tomorrow.

Good night, dear diary.

I hope tomorrow is a nice day.

25 comments to Dear Diary,

  • Oh dear! What a day. I’m hoping your tomorrow is better too!

    Stephanie’s last blog post..Goopy Winners

  • Oh, Gretchen! I’m so sorry! But that part about the burp made me laugh pretty darn hard. 🙂

    Heidi’s last blog post..A Two-and-A-Half-Hour Drive to Nowhere

  • Tanya

    Oh My, thank you so much. After such a crazy day, I SO needed that. I am laughing so hard I have tears running down my face (as only a mother can when reading about vomit). So thank you for sharing your humiliation with me, it made my day! lol.

  • Beckie

    I’m so so sorry for your pain. But you described it all so well that I have been laughing long and loud…can you hear me? I’m in Indiana. Thanks for the humor! Hope today is a better day!

  • Someday, that story will even be funny, to you 🙂 For now, it totally made my morning! Todya HAS GOT to be better!

    Love the blog…found you through Heth (I think 🙂

    Sarah’s last blog post..Don’t Say I Didn’t Warn You…

  • Wow, just reading this I felt a gurgling and thought I might launch. Sheesh! Nothing worse. Must the be the volume thing. I’ve cleaned up plenty in my day, but not too long ago, that volume thing snuck up on me and the gagging and wretching. I wondered how I’d managed all of the other times. Or maybe like you, something touched me? Sends shivers through me. Your stories are just too vivid.

    Joanne’s last blog post..The Proposal (Details, details, part 3)

  • Ann

    I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry! But I am laughing so hard at your poor family’s expense! Everything from nicknaminig the pizza place PiPi’s (if it’s the same place I’m thinking of, I love their cinnamon rolls!) to the big ol’ burp! I’m so sorry it happened, but thank you for brightening my day!

    Ann’s last blog post..Me Meme

  • These stories are so sad but so funny at the same time. A few weeks ago while dropping of my daughter at preschool my son threw up all over the desk and as I put my hand over his mouth to at least keep it from spraying out, he threw up down the sleeve of my jacket. I couldn’t even help clean it up because I couldn’t put him down.

    I hope he is feeling alright and not too embarrassed.

  • Ugh, I feel for you, I do. And I’m impressed that you were able to mop it all up without completely losing it. (Shudder).

    I hope Joel is feeling better by now.

    Jamie’s last blog post..Laugh It Up, Fuzzball

  • Oh no — I can just imagine.

    I can barely deal with vomit without adding to it. When my husband is around he graciously deals with it, because, as he once said, otherwise he’d have even more to clean up.

    Did anyone say anything to your kids at school the next day?

    Some day this will be an incident everyone will remember and laugh at, I’m sure.

    Barbara H.’s last blog post..No excuses

  • jen

    OH my. That’s a mental image now glued in my brain. 😉 Poor kid…poor mom!

    jen’s last blog post..Decision made!

  • bro-de-mopsy

    PiPis….ROFL. Honestly, that was the funniest thing to me.

    I am one of the few visitors here who has personally witnessed another “Joel accident” at a restaurant that rhymes with “Lenny’s” around Christmas 2006. I feel for you, honestly.

    Yaa! They have the best cinnamon rolls!

  • Oh Gretchen. You and your light dimming burps. (still laughing about that)

    I’m so sorry, what an ordeal!

    Heth’s last blog post..Thursday is Random Day

  • Jenn

    Oh, I do hope today is much better!

    This is the only time when, based on my past experiences, I’m glad I was not at PiPi’s with the Lifenut gang! I’m quite sure that I would have been wearing a good portion of Joel’s stomach contents. LOL!! I seem to be a magnet for thrills and spills at the table. Hee hee!

    Hope he’s feeling better today!! 🙂

  • JoAnn

    Oh-wow. As always, your descriptions and writing is excellent. I felt like I was a patron of pi pi’s, which I found to be just as funny as your bro. LOL!

    I’m sorry. I hope your day got better/ or is better.


  • I was laughing and then dry heaving myself, there should have been a warning at the top! And, I’m sorry to say, I can’t finish the post. I don’t know what good would come of it from my end and I don’t want to find out.

    Kristin’s last blog post..Kolby’s Big Bed

  • Oh NO! Oh, what a scene. (You know I’m going to say it . . .) Bless your HEART!

    (I myself have been party to a similiar such scene with at a national casual dining chain that rhymes with Silly’s. It was big fat NOT fun.)

    Megan@SortaCrunchy’s last blog post..Work, Interrupted

  • Kelly

    So bad, but so funny all at the same time!!! Sounds like a whirlwind evening!!!

  • Oh, don’t you love that. Throwing up in a restaurant always my favorite parenting moment.

    noble pig’s last blog post..The Noble Pig Mystery

  • Oooooooh! I wail for you. I can see how this is funny, but mostly not, because it’s that kind of funny that just makes you want to crawl into a rabbit hole and chuckle all the way down. And not come out for a long time.

    Inkling’s last blog post..Note to self:

  • Oh. Ugh. Ah. What else can I say? I’m amused yet horrified. I think only you could amuse with a story like that.

    Beth’s last blog post..Fascinating

  • Julie

    That was so funny. Well, not if I would have been the mom in that situation, but hopefully some day it will be funny. I probably would have thrown up myself had it been me. I hope you have a better week this week!

  • Oh, no! I’m glad to hear Joel’s okay though. (((HUGS)))

  • edj

    Yeah. Been there, done that. I have not one but several stories of children vomiting at restaurants, and even one of myself (hey, I was recovering from giardia…that’s my excuse). I feel your pain.

    edj’s last blog post..Finally, Some Answers

  • Bev

    Oh dear, how terrible! And I’m sorry, but I was laughing so hard I nearly fell out of my seat. I can sympathize, though, because I have a “puker”, too. Ya just learn to deal with it and move on as gracefully as possible after awhile!

    Hope the kids didn’t get teased too terribly at school the next day!

    Bev’s last blog post..Make Me Laugh Monday – “Pun Intended”

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