Late last night, the news broke. The internet went wild. Bafflement ensued. The masses learned Hello Kitty is not actually a Felis catus sporting a Redis Hairbowis near her pointy little ear. Many expressed shock and wonderment at the news. Of course Hello Kitty is a cat. She has ears and whiskers! Next, you’ll be telling us that Goofy is not a kangaroo.
It turns out Hello Kitty is a third grader named Kitty White.
As I read about Hello Kitty, it slowly dawned on me. I am the mother of Hello Kitty. Of course, there are a few inconsistencies but the main facts are this:
~ Beatrix is in third grade. So is Hello Kitty.
~ Beatrix’s nickname since birth has been “Kitty Cat” or just “Kitty.” In fact, we call her “Kitty” more than we call her Beatrix sometimes. I wake her up every morning by saying, “Kitty, time to get up Kitty-girl!”
~ Our last name is White, too.
~ Hello Kitty loves apple pie. Beatrix’s favorite food is apples and she even had an apple themed birthday when she was four.
In the spirit of fairness, Beatrix is not a Scorpio and my name is not Mary. Also, we do not live in England. And Beatrix is not a twin. Sure, some of these might point away from my contention, but put these things aside! Don’t we do that all the time when it comes to all kinds of current events? Believe what supports your worldview!
Here is a spate of photos that offer more proof:
When the kids woke up this morning, I broke the news to them. I was met with blank stares and little reaction. “We know.” I wondered how they were privy to the information before the rest of the world. Of course, it was through a video game. They used to play an Xbox game called Hello Kitty: Roller Rescue back in the day. “We read her bio. She isn’t a cat. She’s a girl.”
I told Beatrix she might actually be Hello Kitty and she simply laughed at me and said “Not even!”
Maybe she’s right. Hello Kitty doesn’t have a mouth.