5. Clip fingernails
6. Try to win radio contests for tickets to events you’d never spend money to attend
7. Sip hot beverages from insulated mug
8. Chew three pieces of gum and make giant bubbles
9. Take selfies
10. Read magazines
11. Read books
12. Write lists
14. Clean the dashboard
15. Play solitaire on your phone
16. Apply makeup
17. Blast music and sing along
19. Plan menus
20. Write haiku about pickup lines: Turn off your engines/You lovers of idle things/Yes, literally
21. Call your mom
22. Watch YouTube videos depicting the triumph of the human spirit
24. Take sweet photos of your younger sleeping children
Next time, he drives, I sleep.
25. At least they get a nap
26. Bird watch
27. Street maintenance watch
28. When it’s raining, take artsy Instagrams of raindrops cascading down your windshield, illuminated by the brake lights of the SUV parked in front of you. Filter the snot out of it, but don’t post because the world isn’t ready for your brilliance.
29. Scrutinize every wrinkle using multiple mirrors
30. Where did that long, wiry hair come from? It wasn’t there yesterday! Do I have tweezers in here somewhere?
31. Play with the seat adjustment controls. Wheeeee. Higher! Lower! Slide back! Slide forward! It’s like a sad, sad amusement park.
32. Reminisce about how you got to school and back home every day. Note your mom only picked you up when there was a blizzard or you had an after school orthodontist appointment.
33. Your gas is low. Think about the various gas stations in the vicinity. Can you make it to ___ gas station on the .28 gallons you estimate you have left or should you just go to the grimy expensive place, put in $3-worth so you can get to the better gas station? Adulthood is hard.
35. Practice whistling
36. Put on the classical music station and conduct the orchestra
37. Hear sirens in the distance. You blew out that candle, right?
38. Sit stoically.
39. Inspire yourself to yawn by thinking about yawning and wonder why you can’t make yourself lose weight just by thinking about losing…yawn……weight……yaaawwwwnnnnn.
40. Sing old songs from summer camp
41. Is that a mosquito? Smash!
42. Dream up a family Halloween costume theme—let’s say holidays—wondering if you can convince your teenaged son to dress up like Santa or Uncle Sam.
43. Study for the MCATs or LSATs or GREs
44. If that’s not your style, see if you can complete all the fun puzzles from a Denny’s kid’s menu.
45. Write a mystery novel
46. Fill out your mail-in ballot (just one!) and vote
47. Read celebrity baby websites for some reason you can’t grasp, but you do it anyway.
48. Research your genealogy.
49. Watch 400 kids exit a building.
50. “Hi guys! How was your day?”